Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Leadership isn't about titles. It's about vision, resilience and growth. I'm Erica Butler and on the Go Hire show we talk about the tools and strategies that help you lead with impact, grow your business and build teams that thrive. From real estate to cultural agility, from managing diverse teams to creating work life harmony Gohire helps you rise above challenges and step into your next level. Catch Go Higher every week on Now Media Television, we're streaming on Roku, Apple TV, SiriusXM, iHeartRadio and all other major platforms. Let's go higher together.
Welcome to Go Higher, the show that helps leaders and professionals gain clarity and resilience and results in business and in life. I'm your host, Erica Butler.
Today we're joined by Eduardo Silva, a growth coach, tech leader and author of A Life in Motion. With a background in pharma and technology, Eduardo has. Eduardo has built high performing teams while helping leaders unlock their true potential.
He shares his insights with thousands of professionals on LinkedIn, blending business impact and human connection, which I love and we're all about on this show. So, Eduardo, thank you so much for joining us today and welcome to the show.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Thank you so much. It's really a pleasure to be here.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: With you today and I love seeing your very handsome looking book in the back of Life in Motion.
Do you want to tell us a little bit about your book and then we'll dive into the questions?
[00:01:26] Speaker B: Absolutely. This is something I have written last year and published earlier this year in May. It's called A Life in Motion and it brings 28 practices that help me transform my life and that I hope will help others transforming their lives too.
[00:01:41] Speaker A: Well, awesome. Such an honor to have you.
I'd like to start with questions about something many leaders wrestle with and it's actually executive presence.
So often professionals want to be respected and trusted and heard, but their presence or communication isn't strong enough to inspire the action they want to inspire. So when did you first realize that executive presence is more than how you look or sound? That's important, but it's really how you make other people feel. So when did you learn this? Tell us a bit about your journey.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: I learned this late in my career, Erika, that the presence isn't about how impressive you look or you try to look, but how others feel in your presence.
I remember working with this leader named John in the us Big Italian guy and he never, never tried to impress anyone.
Yet when he entered the room, the magic happened. Everything shifted.
People leaned in, they trust him, they gave their best and at first I couldn't explain it, and later I understood that this is why we call it presence.
The real test to presence then for me became, do people leave the room feeling more engaged, more capable, more willing to do whatever they are meant to do?
[00:03:03] Speaker A: I love that. Did that have anything with you? I know you've been part of Toastmasters for a while. It's something you pursued for years to, you know, leverage that for impact. Did that inspire you or was that. Was that somewhere in between?
[00:03:18] Speaker B: It absolutely inspired me very, very much.
You mentioned Toastmasters, right? And in Toastmasters, we learn a lot of the skills that you require in order to bring that kind of trust, that kind of, I wouldn't say trust to bring his active presence into the room. And I remember certain people that were training with us from one session in a week to another session two weeks later, minor tricks they would do, magic happen.
But that was not the biggest impact. The biggest impact was trust. And that's why I was talking about it before, because when people trust you, they give you the attention, even without those tricks.
Now, there are some techniques that bring these things together.
One of them is pauses.
[00:04:12] Speaker C: Pauses.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: They create trust because they are kind. They allow you time to think and eye contact. Like what we are doing right now. Yes, because you feel connected with me and I feel connected with you, and that's where you bring these things together. And that's the difference Toastmasters made in my life, for example.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: So you've shared a few of the qualities, but what else do you believe instantly elevates someone's presence in a boardroom, client meeting, public stage? What other things, tips can you give us to work on this? You said in two weeks, people improved. So what, what can you give us?
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Small tricks like body language, for example, plays a major role. If you're talking to somebody that is hands in the pocket and moving side to side without stop, that's not going to create presence, is it?
If you're talking to someone that speaks very fast and cannot really stop, even make comments and points or no, that's also not going to create presence.
So it's, it's a lot of balance is about you being centered first and preparing.
Prepare, prepare, prepare.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: Love it. Now, you coach a lot of people on this. So how do you help leaders communicate with clarity and confidence so their message does inspire action, it doesn't get lost. All their prep, everything they're trying to do, what do you actively do with them?
[00:05:44] Speaker B: You asked me two things. So clarity comes from structure.
Confidence comes from practice.
When I Work with leaders.
Usually we select some simple frameworks, like those ones I offer through Ginger Leadership Communications, because a big partner I have in the US and also in the uk, where we help those leaders clarifying that message, the structure makes it clear, but the confidence is earned differently. That's repetition, that's feedback, that's risk taking. And it connects so well to the first question you have asked me. You see, I remember some scientists that I worked with in pharma and at first they had this big, brilliant analytical minds with all the data and, and all the details, and they could bore a room for 30 minutes straight.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: You know, I think we've all been there, actually.
Those are the farmer and science world, like our backgrounds.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: You saw that, right? And.
And they would feel bad about it, and the audience was feeling bad about it.
And just by shifting and then adapting the two things, first having a simpler framework that allowed them to communicate that in a way that it was digestible.
And then practicing that and incorporating feedback through time, they shifted even their inner satisfaction. And they understood how communicating with impact made their lives better. Because when you combine this structure with the repetition, your message won't just land, it will really move people towards whatever you're trying to move them to.
[00:07:36] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Makes sense, Eduardo. And one thing I love about your background is you've worked very globally with Fortune 500.
I know you are from Brazil, but lived in Switzerland a long time, been all around Europe.
You're going to Dubai soon. I know for a client you have such a global experience. So how do you connect diverse teams in building this presence? And does storytelling play role? Tell me a little bit about that.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Oh, it's absolutely storytelling. Right. The facts are always forgotten and the stories are always remembered. I. I once worked with a. A leader here in Switzerland. You may even have met him.
A farmer's active who began a meeting telling all about his achievements, PhD and Masters and this company and that position. And nobody cared.
Then he told us about the goals and his vision and nobody cared.
And then he told us how he lost most of his family members to cancer.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: At a point where he was in a different career path. And then he decided to shift and that brought him to the room together with us.
That moment.
That moment we were together with him.
Even today, I meet friends that were there together with me and they remember that story. They. They may not remember anything about his background, but they remember that story. And that story allowed him to then come and ask us to do things that would be important for the company, for the group for the individuals. So the stories, they have this power. They will turn information.
Right. What's your purpose into connection.
That is the foundation of leadership presence. And if you go around Fortune 500, you find so very many leaders that have absolutely built and nailed their foundation on top of very simple connecting stories.
[00:09:39] Speaker A: That's a really powerful example. So do you recommend then leaders start with a story, a personal, meaningful, vulnerable story that connects the audience and pulls them in and then get to the goals like flip flop it. Is that what you do with the people you coach?
[00:09:54] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely.
People sometimes hear storytelling and they think about Cinderella. Right. It's not like that. You can tell a story with two, three sentences. You already delivered the story. And yes, that's the foundation of the entire communication package of what you're going to deliver because then whatever you're telling next is going to become memoir.
And the importance you felt that I saw when I was telling the story is that the story must resonate with your audience. And for that it has to be personal, not private, personal.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Wow. So it's really flip flopping from just data and, you know, solving problems to really getting people to connect. Just what you said in the very beginning, it's about how you make people feel and that's really powerful. I don't think people think about executive presence that way. So thank you. So we're going to wrap up this segment. Edward, that was awesome. Coming up after the break, we're going to shift gears from presence to courage. We'll talk about why fear often holds leaders back and how to turn it into fuel for growth, which is something I know you're very passionate about. Thank you, Eduardo.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:11:03] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more stories, lessons and practical tools to help you rise in leadership, business and life. This is Go Higher on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Erica Butler and you're watching Go Higher on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the conversation that helps you lead live and love with purpose.
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So back To Eduarda Silva, growth coach, author and leadership expert with decades of experience leading and growing teams.
In our first segment, it was amazing, we explored how executive presence and communication shape influence and how important it is. And this is something we can learn, this is something we can grow in that will impact the purpose we have, the missions we have. Now we're diving into something every professional faces, no matter what level they're at, at some place in our careers, we've all been there. Fear, fear and self doubt. It's human.
It often holds us back more than a lack of skill, especially right when we're on the edge of that next opportunity, especially then. So I'm so fortunate to be talking to Eduardo to dive into this further. It's something near and dear to his heart that he coaches a lot on with the people he works with. So, digging in, more to the topic, Eduardo. Many professionals struggle with this. They want to seize the new opportunity and they want to step into growth. But fear and self doubt can paralyze them at times, keeping them from acting with courage. And then they miss out on what they wanted to do. And so many people miss out on the gifts that they have as well. So let's dive into the questions. Was there a time in your journey, Eduardo, when fear or doubt almost stopped you and what helped you move forward?
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Thank you, Erica, for the question. And there have been many moments like that in my life.
Fear, it's like this blind driver on a dark road with the music turned super up.
It feels very powerful, you know, but it's so dangerous. So dangerous it is. I, I was settled in the US and living in Texas. I, I love the country, love the state.
When I got an offer to move to Switzerland and at first I resisted, not because it wasn't a good opportunity, because fear was behind the wheel.
Looking back now, Erika, after nine amazing years here, it terrifies me to think I almost let that go.
Only when we know that it's the fear driving that we can shift that.
And that for me, started with curiosity, asking myself, what am I really afraid of?
[00:14:30] Speaker A: I love that. I just to add a question to that, I also love to ask what's the worst that can happen? What's the worst that will happen? And when you like think through all of that, you realize, well, it's not as bad as, you know, it's not so bad.
So I think I can handle it. It's normally the fear of the unknown, right? We come up with these scenarios and a lot of them aren't even true or going to happen. So. So I love that. So why, why does fear often show up strongest, do you think? Right. When leaders are on the edge of that growth or opportunity, like the example you shared.
[00:15:01] Speaker B: You, you're so insightful, Erica, and you already said it at the beginning. You know, fear shows up most when we are closest to risks.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: True.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: And there is no growth without risks.
They are siblings, they are twins.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: True.
[00:15:19] Speaker B: And they walk together through a lifetime. From childhood, the fear had been our bodyguard. When you think about it, it kept me from running into traffic or getting hurt. And we get attached to that.
And then it feels even more loud when we feel we face novelty. We don't know what that is. We don't know how that that's going to feel like, what is going to bring. And isn't that also the definition of opportunity?
The more unfamiliar it is, the more rewards it may eventually be bringing. But the brain is interpreting that as risk, as threat.
[00:15:59] Speaker A: You might fail. You might fail. Watch out, failure. You're gonna learn so much. Right? It's like the resetting. Yeah, absolutely. I'm with you.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: But in modern life, most research not life threatening. You said it. You look at what is the worst that could happen.
Nothing really. Right. So take it. And that's also the definition of courage, isn't it? Not absence of fear, but doing it despite of fear.
[00:16:25] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I found too fear of being embarrassed or fear of what people think and when you can just stop caring about that. We're human, so there's a role that plays, but so much more is possible. Just you can go and do what you want to do and not let that hold you back.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: So.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: Yeah. So diving in even deeper now, Eduardo, what techniques or practices do you use personally to turn fear into fuel for progress in your business? And whatever you want to talk about, I.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: First of all, I never fight fear.
I think it.
And then I shift into love, curiosity, things that pull me towards, not push me away.
In that case, that example, when I was invited to Switzerland, I first of all, I acknowledge what are the risks, the uncertainty, what is that I'm going to lose? Because yes, when you're taking an opportunity, that also means you're letting go of something else.
That is always a trade off.
And then I asked the next question, what's pulling me toward this? What's exciting me about this?
What aligns or where does it align with my values? And for me, it's a lot about curiosity, discovery, adventure, growth.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: What's the best that can happen?
[00:17:45] Speaker B: First, The fear. It can be a fuel but it rarely points towards the right direction, purpose and love, they do.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Well, when we were prepping a bit for this, you talked about this theme in your coaching work, which I see as well. I do see a theme of fear, of lack of confidence. It comes up consistently. So how do you coach your the professionals you work with to grow in confidence? Not by waiting to feel ready, because when do we, you know, most times you're not going to ever feel ready for that big jump. But by stepping into action, doing the next hard thing, what do you tell them?
[00:18:26] Speaker B: I love that you said stepping into action because that's it.
Small steps into action.
I worked with an associate who never wanted to talk about her accomplishments in the team meeting.
It felt to her because of culture, I work with global cross cultural teams. It felt to her that it was arrogant, that it wasn't her place to do that. So we started small, sharing one or two wins in one on one of her conversations with other team members she was most comfortable with.
And then she discovered something different. She discovered that people were experience about what she did, how she did, what was the win. And then she got encouragement. And with that encouragement she took the courage to speak in the bigger meetings and eventually in a boardroom. So you don't leap into confidence. You know, you don't get the five second rule to get your Olympic medal. That's not how it works. But you do it with the next right movement that brings you closer to your goals.
[00:19:35] Speaker A: I think that's such a fantastic example you brought up, Eduardo. Because we're not taught confidence doesn't mean arrogance and it doesn't mean you're bragging or anything like that. Actually humility is the important part of being a good leader. And I know you do that well. And I just think so many people are the fear of, in an interview or I did it in the beginning, I wouldn't tell the wins because I didn't want to brag. But if you don't tell them, who's going to tell them? And you'll miss out on opportunities of helping people and the people won't get helped, you know, So I agree, Eduardo. I think if anyone out there feels like it is arrogance or bragging, there's a way to do it where you're still being humble because you, you know in your heart your intentions are good and you are there for the right reasons. And if that's you, speak up and say, say the, the wins you're excited about. And you know, I think it's powerful. So I'm glad you brought that up.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: It is. It is very powerful. And one thing that I know helps many people, not only my clients, it's also about general population, is taking that first step with support.
Don't face fear alone. You know, I once had a client, he told me that he couldn't afford working with me, and I felt that it was a little bit his pride that was making it hard to accept help.
And then we started talking about his support network. And at first he said, no, I don't have none. Like, I don't have any friends. Right? Really.
But then he remembered someone, because of course we do. And that one connection, that one person helped him taking the first steps, and from there the success followed. You know, so fear feels much bigger if we feel alone, but then the courage grows the moment we let someone in and we shared that and we. We just have a very fulfilling life together.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: True. Eduardo, I think when you're obscured to ask the grass, there's a saying about the grass is greener. Say the grass always looks greener on the other side, but it's not. I beg to differ in this kind of cases. I say asking for help, being vulnerable, being your authentic self, saying what you want to accomplish.
Actually, the grass is greener on the other side, and lots of people are out there that want to help you and will rally around you. Didn't you find that as well?
[00:21:55] Speaker B: I find it and I will connect. With our first part of the session on executive presence. I have also observed that the leaders who have this vulnerability and go out to ask genuinely for help are also perceived as people that can be trusted, that can be supported, approachable, valuable, that are courageous. Right.
So the. The things, they connect really, really, really well.
[00:22:23] Speaker A: Oh, I agree. All right. Well, we're at our last question already. It's flying with you. Could talk to you a lot more about all of this. If someone watching today feels paralyzed by fear, if they're sitting where what we're talking about and they. They feel they are scared for that next step, what's the very first small step you recommend to start helping them build courage and confidence. At this point.
[00:22:46] Speaker B: One technique that works really, really well is write it down.
Write it down to yourself.
[00:22:54] Speaker A: You want to do Eduardo, what you want to do. Write it down.
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Write down what is the fear?
[00:22:59] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: Write down why you're fearing that. So what is behind answer to your question on what is the worst that can happen?
And start there. Because once you see you have whatever you have written, then you're going to gain. So much clarity.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Wow. Simple but powerful. And it gives you a chance to really process it and see, oh, it's not so scary after all.
Likely, yes.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: The stories we tell in the mind, they can get really, really dark and really, really scary. When you put it down on the paper, not so much.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: But it starts bringing life to it in a good way. And then it makes it easier maybe to tell that friend, tell that, ask for help. So I love that.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely connects the left brain and the right brain and brings balance back.
[00:23:49] Speaker A: Oh, I love it. Well, Eduardo, this has been extremely valuable. Where can people follow your work and continue the conversation with you?
[00:23:57] Speaker B: I am very active on LinkedIn. That's LinkedIn.com Eduardo do Santos Silva, my full name. I would invite everybody that's watching us to connect and continue the conversation from there.
[00:24:10] Speaker A: Wonderful. Thank you, Eduardo. Thank you for your time, your preparation and just the meaningful work you're doing. You shared such practical and powerful insights today, from showing us how to strengthen executive presence to reminding us that courage is built not in waiting, but in acting. Even in the small steps they lead to bigger ones. So you've given our viewers just real tools to grow with confidence and take some real next steps to our audience. Here's the takeaways. Leadership isn't just about skills. It's about presence, clarity, and courage in the face of fear. The next step is yours to take. Thank you for watching Go Higher. I'm Erica Butler. And until next time, keep reaching higher. Keep leading with purpose. Thanks, everyone.
[00:24:54] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more stories, lessons and practical tools to help you rise in leadership, business and life. This is Go Higher on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Erica Butler and you're watching Go Higher on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the conversation that helps you lead live and love with purpose.
Welcome to Go Higher, where we explore strategies to help leaders thrive even in the most challenging circumstances. I'm your host, Erica Butler. Today we're addressing a topic that affects every single organization.
The onseen weight of trauma, change and burnout and leadership in teams. We have a very special guest today, Bethann Miller.
She is owner, founder of Safe Place Ministry. She has lived internationally 12 years on a boat helping people all around the world. I could go on and on about this amazing woman. She is licensed chaplain, board certified biblical Counselor for over 25 years.
She has experience serving urban communities, international missions and nonprofit organizations and businesses. So she, Beth Land specializes in her care and grief, trauma, elder care and pastoral support, helping leaders navigate complexity with wisdom and care. And I know from my experience with her, she deals with some of the hardest, hardest situations. Even our clients, she's helped walk out of some really, really challenging situations. So, Bethann, welcome to the show. It's a privilege to have you.
[00:26:28] Speaker C: Thank you, Erica. It's such a joy to be here. I may hurt my cheek, my cheek muscles from smiling so much being with you today.
[00:26:36] Speaker A: I think it happens almost every time I collaborate with you. So then we're both. We'll both have to have some ice or something. But thank you. I love your smile. So let's dive in. Let's start with your new book that you just published. I love your writing. You're an amazing author. So tell us a little bit about your new book, Bethany Ann.
[00:26:53] Speaker C: Here it is. It's so amazing to hold it in my hands. So this is called Matters of Dirt and Leather, A Walk through the Beatitudes.
And it's short stories, some of it contained in my time in global service.
But to bring us back to how are we to live? How do we care for ourselves? How do we relate to other people?
And how do we walk with humility in a world that is growing in chaos and stress and that that connects with leaders as well, which we'll talk about a little later. One of my favorite things from the book is the artwork. So I actually commissioned a friend of mine named Kate Sourman who was an artist and an advocate working in Brazil to the marginalized populations down there.
And she created this incredible artwork that helps us engage with each chapter of the book. So I am so happy about how this is getting around and how it's both challenging and encouraging, folks. I do think it's timely with everything that's going on around our world today.
I didn't mean that to happen. But as it is, so be it. The book came out at the proper time. So for anyone that does choose to read it and engage with it, I would love to hear from you because I would really like to know how it did challenge you and encourage you.
[00:28:23] Speaker A: I love it. I already pre ordered and I can't wait to get my hands on it. So I'm so excited to dive in. And I think this is not what we're talking about today, Bethany. But I think one thing, why you've been very successful. I've watched you the last, I don't know, 15 years, something like that. 10, 15. And I watched your team grow. I watched you put someone in place to lead your organization forward globally. And I just think it's because you're always lifting up others around you. And you just did it right now. You're the book you wrote, you're lifting up, you know, Kate and it's just amazing. So that's just a cool example. I think we all can learn those who have big goals and want to make an impact, I really think it's about lifting others up. And here's your opportunity to talk about your book. You're always doing that. I love that about you.
[00:29:07] Speaker C: Just listen. We're not called to live life alone. And I have found the book editor, Elizabeth, and the book designer, Lisa. This, this, this would be words on paper, quite frankly, or a digital screen. Erica, seriously. And I mean that with integrity. If not for the team of the three of them, it, it would not be what it is. So I celebrate them as much as whatever words I put down.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: Well, can't wait. And I'm thankful to, to see it's out and making impact already.
So with that, let's dive in to our topic today about trauma.
We want to talk about leaders and teams experiencing ongoing constant change and burnout. They often are feeling overwhelmed, isolated, running on empty, and they don't know where to turn. They don't know how to get help. They don't want to share with others because might be embarrassing that they're leading this whole thing. And they feel, how can I leave this? I don't have it together. I've been there. I've had clients who've been there. So we need to give them practical strategies to care for themselves and their employees while maintaining organizational health. So let's ask you a few set a few questions that will help us learn more from your expertise on this. So what are some of the telltale signs you've seen Bethan in executives or senior leaders that alert you they're navigating trauma?
[00:30:27] Speaker C: I think one of the first signs, or I would call them the watermarks of, of leaning into burnout is a constant state of running after something.
So this seemingly inability to still yourself and to celebrate what is happening and also to take time to mourn what didn't happen.
So this frenetic activity that seems productive, but if you bang on it, it's like an empty tin can.
And when leaders start engaging in things like that, like the proverbial hamster wheel, that's going to begin a deterioration process both in the organizational health, which then becomes the structural health, which then becomes the employee health.
And you can see that trickle down. It's like a fountain. Once one of those things happens. There's a domino effect.
So I think for leaders to learn to still themselves to not always operate in chaos.
And sadly, I think in our culture and culture, meaning worldwide culture and business culture, leadership culture, the more responsibility you have, the higher your esteemed, seemingly, you know, the busier we are, the more important we are. And that is really a misnomer. That is not correct. And it does damage.
[00:31:55] Speaker A: Absolutely. I think especially in the US we can celebrate busyness and full schedules. And that means, oh, there's value importance, but it's really backwards. So I agree with you.
It's interesting because just how you described it was so well. But some of the people, including myself, why I sent your way over the years, like, you get to the point as a leader, you can't even say one thing you like about yourself when you're in that place. And I. That's a sign, you know, for those of you out there, if, you know, you can't even. You feel like you're dropping balls for everyone as a daughter, as a mother, as a, you know, and you can't even think of that. I've seen people just cry to me when I ask, what do you. What do you love that you're doing right now? What do you feel like you're doing? Good. And they can't answer it. So, you know, it's so sad because most of these people are really wonderful people with great hearts.
[00:32:45] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:32:45] Speaker A: And that's the crazy part of it all. They don't see it. So let's keep moving. But that's. Yeah, I just. You and I could talk the whole time on this.
[00:32:53] Speaker C: How do you support busyness? Erica can dehumanize us, and it dehumanizes us and it makes us be in a state of relational poverty towards ourself, and then that comes out towards others as well.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: And not wanting to disappoint people you love or people you're leading like that really carries a heavy weight. But you can only do so much. You're only one person.
[00:33:14] Speaker C: Correct.
[00:33:15] Speaker A: So how do you support leaders moving through this type of thing, whether change, you know, trauma without having this harm their mental health or. Or even their clarity as a leader.
[00:33:28] Speaker C: Yeah. I think there's two different platforms that we have to look at. There's internal and external. Okay. So. And typically we focus mainly on. Or most people would focus mainly on the external. Let's get, you know, the right people in. Let's get, you know, the structure. Correct. And all of that is important, Erica. But Structure itself will not bring health. The internal belief systems that leaders have about themselves, attachment style and leadership. That's a growing study right now. That is really important.
[00:34:00] Speaker A: Really quick. Attachment style. Are you talking of your attachment style from when you were a child? The attachment of. Or because that's used, that term's used for that, sure.
[00:34:08] Speaker C: Okay. I mean, it's much, it's much bigger than that.
[00:34:10] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:34:10] Speaker C: But that's a part of it we will take. Our attachment styles are connected to our internal belief systems.
So if I. Let me give you an example. If I as a leader believe that I'm never enough and I have to keep achieving the next thing, then that propensity is going to affect the structure of the organization that I lead. It's also going to affect the team members I draw to myself. And there's a quiet insidiousness about that, of always striving, never ceasing.
So we can change the structure. But as a leader, the internal work needs to come before the external work, because the internal work, which belongs to us as leaders, that's very personal.
That will affect the external work, not the other way around.
So to support leaders is first to do some excavation of themselves in a kind, protected and private way where they can explore without being measured.
Right. Because society loves to measure leaders. And if you step out of line, we live in cancel culture. That is in the book, by the way, about how we, you know, how we live in this cancel culture. If you make a mistake, you're discarded. And archaeology of the soul, if I just made up a term. But it's to understand what's happening inside us and order that first instead of trying to order the structure and our environment around us. So that's, that's a big part of the work that we do with leaders.
[00:35:41] Speaker A: Well, thanks for sharing that. We have time for about one more question with this segment and what specific. It could be a tool or a practice, something leaders who are struggling right now can do immediately to reduce stress and to get some help without waiting for perfect conditions, because that's not a real thing.
[00:36:02] Speaker C: Yeah, this is going to sound over simplistic, but get yourself outside into nature and have no outside feed in. In other words, be quiet. Step away from electronics, step away from books, step away from music.
Connect yourself back to nature.
It's in that connection to who we are that then we can begin to make heads or tails and practice discernment because we typically look to everything outside of us to define what's going on inside.
So get yourself alone, shut Everything off, pull away. Spend a few hours in silence and solitude and recenter yourself. Things will start to become clear. You will begin to hear yourself. You'll begin to hear others without a filter of chaos through it. You'll begin to lead from a place of security and not hyper activity.
[00:36:58] Speaker A: That's really good advice. And I think sometimes simple advice ends up being the best advice. And it might be something we skip over, but it's profound. And having that as a regular practice when you feel like, oh, something's not right, something's off, I need a reset, I think that's wonderful. So.
[00:37:14] Speaker C: Right.
[00:37:15] Speaker A: Thank you. Bethann. Where can people find you to continue the conversation with you? Where they can find safe place.
[00:37:22] Speaker C: It can find safe place on Facebook, my own Facebook page, Bethann Miller. And of course, safe place on the web.
[00:37:31] Speaker A: Okay. Well, I have to say I'm the time in my my experience working with you and then those I know working with you, there is some shock about how impactful it is. So I just can't encourage the audience enough.
It is, I think, unique and special what you do and because of your international experience, because of just who you are, your wisdom, it's really beautiful what you're doing. So thank you.
[00:37:56] Speaker C: You're very kind. Erica.
[00:37:57] Speaker A: It's true. I've lived it, so I know. But we'll be right back. And up next, we're going to explore how to design and execute trainings, retreats and seminars that actually transform teams, not just inspire them, but have real movement. So stay tuned.
We'll be right back with more stories, lessons and practical tools to help you rise in leadership, business and life.
This is Go Higher on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Erica Butler, and you're watching Go Higher on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the conversation that helps you lead live and love with purpose.
Welcome back to Go Higher.
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So I'm here again with Bethea Miller, who is a founder, owner of an organization, counselor and chaplain who has spent decades helping leaders around the world who navigate trauma and transformation global moves. So in our first segment we explored how leaders can care for themselves and their teams when they're under pressure. Now we're shifting focus on how leaders can design trainings and retreats and seminars that create lasting, meaningful change. Bethann also has years of experience doing that and I'm so excited to dive in with her. So, Bethann, thank you again for being here and can't wait to get your wisdom on this topic.
[00:39:52] Speaker C: I hope there's some wisdom here. Erica, it's a pleasure to be with you.
[00:39:56] Speaker A: So let's dive in. When you design a training or retreat, how do you ensure it moves beyond theory so that participants leave transformed and they're not just inspired in the moment, but they actually make changes?
[00:40:09] Speaker C: Yeah, I think something that's very important is to know the organization that we're serving to do some pre work in it, to find out what is it that they're needing to ask curiously respectful questions of the leaders and the organization to find out how they want to be trained, what they want to be trained for, what is the need? I think when we move too fast to just put square peg in square whole, we can miss the bigger need in the organization. So first is some exploration with the leaders, with some of the staff of the organization to find out what they need.
The second is really tailoring the training so safe places. Trainings are predominantly very discussion orientated, so they will be given a good amount of material to hit the target that we're aimed at. But we know that there's not just wisdom from our side, there is collective wisdom in groups that we're with. Even though people may be just starting out or younger or inexperienced, there's still collective wisdom to be had. So opening ourselves up and opening the team up to hearing from them and that way you're not just giving something to them, you're inviting them to step into something and put it on for themselves. So a lot of our trainings are highly discussion orientated and they will be personalized for the team and that seems to make a huge difference from what.
[00:41:41] Speaker A: I've experienced training and on the other side as a participant, so much more engaging when people are moving around the room speaking and they're not being talked at. And we've all been at those, so get to actually partake and engage. I agree. I think that's a whole nother level of growth and impact across the team.
I would love to just dive a bit deeper selfishly for my also wisdom here to gain from you. The prep. Can you tell me like how much time your team often takes to do that, the prep and are they interviewing? What, what, what are they doing? What, what, what types of things do they do typically? And then how much time does that take to do it?
[00:42:21] Speaker C: Well, it's a, it's a good amount of time to do it well Erica, because again I, I think we need to know the ethos or the DNA of the organization because otherwise we're going to miss the target. You know, trainings are not one size fits all. Even trauma informed training or understanding boundaries and care. Like we have to do that, the, the pre exploration to make sure that it fits really well.
There's a big difference between a non profit and how they need training and let's say a corporate marketplace industry how they need training. So it takes a good amount of time to do it well and also to do that exploration. So I would say if I had to put a timestamp on something, our trainings are usually talked about a month before they happen and then different people on the team do the training. So not, not one person does all the trainings and we'll choose the individual that's best qualified to do any particular training. So a good amount of pre work is done.
[00:43:25] Speaker A: I think it's great you have a team approach though because trainings are such a heavy lift and if it just is on one person to prep, deliver, execute, I think I do see them go so much better when there's a team doing it together. So I love that you do that approach.
[00:43:38] Speaker C: Absolutely, absolutely. Safe place is not a one person thing.
[00:43:43] Speaker A: So let's talk more about the elements of the actual retreat seminar. And it could even be when you're meeting with just the family or the executive, one on one, what elements do you include just to help that leader or team process the trauma or adopt a change, emerge stronger? What does it look like for you?
[00:44:02] Speaker C: Yeah, I think there's a three part equation there, Erica, that you and I function in relationally. We function in our relationship with ourselves, we function in our relationship with others and we function in our relationship of God or as we perceive that to be. And all three of those matter, all three of those are intertwined with each other. And that's where our belief systems come from. That's where we relate from that, that's how we perceive the world is the lens, if you think of glasses, it's the lens that we see and function and lead out of. And many times those lenses are fog.
So there needs to be doing a clearing of those lenses first in those three relational arenas and then we can start to really help leaders integrate healthy rhythms for themselves. And then a healthy rhythm inside yourself or a rhythm of wholeness, rhythm that leads to wholeness. Again, there's a. There's an. There's an internal working out that leads to external expression.
And many times in industry and service, we do it the opposite. We get the external expression right, hoping that it's going to change and form the internal and that never, ever works. Ever. And that's where some of the insidiousness of the constant action, constant tiredness, constant stress. And we can almost.
Homeostasis is a term meaning our body will pull toward what it's used to.
We can get used to stress. And then as leaders, we can create stress in ourselves and in others around us, and others we lead. So that's where it can get really, really misplaced, Eric. And we have to back up and address those three relational arenas, help bring clarity to them, clear the proverbial lenses that I talked about.
And then that outwork affects external care.
[00:46:06] Speaker A: I love that you use the word wholeness. It's a term I use as well, because it isn't just mentally well, it's not emotionally well. It's also spiritually well, physically well.
All these parts matter and you pull them together.
Partnering with some other NOW media shows, we also talk very much about all those elements. And if you're missing one, you will not be well. It impacts every other one. So I love that you brought that up. So thank you.
[00:46:33] Speaker C: Yeah. I don't think myself or anyone else is always well, you know, life is fluid, Erica, and I don't think always being well is the aim. I think identifying our needs and carrying that in a responsible way, which would be called maturity.
Yes, I think that's the aim, not constant wellness. Because we don't live in a perfect world. We don't live perfectly inside ourselves. We don't live perfectly with others. So maturity in our personhood, that's the aim.
[00:47:06] Speaker A: Does that include just navigating the ebbs and flows of life in a mature way and knowing when to ask for help addressing things, taking action? Okay, that's helpful.
[00:47:16] Speaker C: Absolutely. Yeah. There's going to be really rough times when things are seem chaotic and running away or, you know, hurting cats, which is impossible, by the way. I love cats. I'm two of my own. But hurting cats is not. It's not something you can do. And then they'll be other times when we feel like, hey, I hit the sweet spot and we should enjoy that when it happens. But we will not live there.
[00:47:41] Speaker A: I think it's so profound because what it frees you from is we do have this focus on being well all the time and we have to be good all the time. It's not real good. It's not real. I agree. And I think when we don't think that's how everyone else is and realizing that's not real, that's not actually the goal of reality of how we live these lives on earth. I think that's profound to make people aware of that, that because we're, it's, it's even that you said that I was, I knew that's true, but is. You don't hear people talk like that very often, Bethan.
[00:48:12] Speaker C: Yeah, but it's true, Eric. I, I speak to people with, you know, people talk to me, you know, day in and day out. So, so whatever is perceived on social media is not what's being experienced usually is not what's being experienced. Real time. And, and I think for, for us in our human experience, we tend to romanticize the past.
Somehow as time goes on, it gets romanticized and we often villainize the future right where, where we look at the future with fear.
And somewhere, somewhere in that is a healthy perspective. Somewhere in that is a whole perspective. But please, you know, I would encourage leaders give yourself permission to have bad days, to have bad weeks, and give yourself permission to celebrate when things clicking and all cylinders of firing. But don't set up camp in either place. Most of life is lived in the middle.
[00:49:10] Speaker A: One thing that's been a game changer for me, I did this starting maybe 6ish months ago, before we had a big international move as well. Lots going on. And I learned this from another leader. But it's actually a seven step process. The first thing, it's in my journal in the morning in quiet time, and it's check in with yourself. Number one.
I never did that. It sounds crazy, but you just start your day and checking, oh, I have a cold today, so maybe these 10 things I planned, I shouldn't do all 10. You know, you don't have to do all 10. And that's been as simple as it sounds. It's helped me so much, being kinder to myself, giving more grace and saying I can do some of that tomorrow when I'm feeling better or something's off today I'm just not, you know, it's or I'm on fire today. I have high energy, I'm gonna run for, you know, so I love, I love that we're talking about this. So we have time for one more question here. And it's the other side of the prep, the execution is the measurement. How do you measure beyond simple feedback forms to know the training or retreat actually made a lasting difference? How do you do that? A safe Place.
[00:50:11] Speaker C: Oh, Erica, this is a hard question because I don't know, I think we measure by human experience. So there's a scripture in Corinthians where Paul says, we don't.
You are our letter. You are the evidence, meaning those that, that he was caring for in any particular people group that he was in. So for us at Safe Place, we hear from people that have integrated the training. So just a form saying, you know, this was great. This was fantastic. Yeah, we can grab those metrics and they're important to know if, if we're hitting the target.
But it's actually lives that are changed and maturity that is aimed for.
That's what makes the difference, Erica. And we don't want people constantly needing Safe Place. If they get something themselves and take off and run, we're going to be in the stands cheering them on. So maturity, the answer to your question is, as people get trained, as we care for them, have they gone on to care for themselves better?
Be aware of how others experience them, be aware of themselves and point towards maturity.
[00:51:33] Speaker A: Awesome. Well, thank you for this time, Bethann. It's been incredibly insightful. We could talk another hour about all of this and so many more things. So you already shared a little bit, but if people were to want, want to keep the conversation going or sign up for one of your programs and services with, with your team, tell us again where to find you to make sure people know the information.
[00:51:57] Speaker C: Safeplace, ministry.org you can go right to the website. There's all kinds of information posted there and they can engage with us through that venue.
[00:52:07] Speaker A: I know you also have an email, a newsletter, something like that. So how do they sign up for if they want to get your states?
[00:52:13] Speaker C: Same thing. As soon as they engage with SAF Place by the website, they'll be into our system.
[00:52:18] Speaker A: Okay, wonderful. Well, I, I recommend people sign up. I'm on there. I think it's great content, always learning and growing and helping us walk in maturity. And it's just, I think what you do really encourages many, many people, Bethann, so can't wait to read your book. Thank you for your valuable time today on this show.
Loved having you on Go Higher and your experience on trauma, informed leadership, transformational events. It gives our audience really practical tools on how to navigate these and leadership has a lot of pressure to deal with. But you don't have to deal with it alone. There's many tools and resources and support out there and you gave us some really tangible ways. Today, people can make the improvements for their life. Get out in nature. A zillion things you shared. So to our viewers, I encourage you to reflect on how you care for yourself and your team and consider how intentional, well designed trainings can create real, lasting impact.
I'm Erica Butler and this has been Go Higher. Keep leading with clarity, compassion and courage.
